Sterile

My single biggest regret in life was having a tubal after my third child. Why, oh why did I do that? I had always wanted three kids and so when we did, naturally I got fixed. Naturally? How deeply is it ingrained into our society's mentality to do such a thing as cut ourselves off from God's act of creation that so many of us (especially Christians) choose take that route? I didn't even so much as pray about it. That didn't even occur to me. Obviously He doesn't need ME to create anything but he allowed me take part in the process, and I, so grateful for that gift, paid a Dr to go in and cut up my perfectly working parts. Why? Because I knew better than El Elyon? There is nothing natural about this. It is dark and selfish. I am profoundly sorry, aching with regret and strange loss. If this is even a little taste of a life separate from God, may I never take another bite.